1. Hospital ID badge with a blurry picture of me sitting in front of a huge American flag, clutching a tiny notebook filled with crib notes on how to navigate the clinic EMR system.
2. CAC (Common Access Card): a smart card issued by the Department of Defense with an embedded circuit chip that enables me to access the computer system, sign documents electronically, and send encrypted email...and BONUS: it also doubles as an identification card under the Geneva Conventions [...in case I get captured by the enemy on my way to work??]
Processing for the CAC involves the use of an optical fingerprint scanner on your right index finger. Turns out that after 7 years of obsessive-compulsive handwashing through medical school and residency, my fingerprints are quite worn out. The clerk had me try alternate fingers from my right hand: ring finger, pinky...all terrible quality prints. Then, as a last resort...
Clerk: Can you place your middle finger on the scanner? Me: Please don't tell the Feds I'm giving them the finger
Will my lack of readable fingerprints cement my future as a crime kingpin? Stay tuned...
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